i've managed to tear yet another hole in this body.

here is a transcription of my doctor's appointment:

doctor enters room.

"what seems to be the problem?"

"i have some sensitivity in my lower abdomen."

"alright, let's take a look."

me dropping pants. doctor putting on gloves.

"where is it exactly?"

me pointing to it.

"cough please. again. again. again. you have a hernia. i'll book you a surgical consult and the front desk will give you a call to confirm your appointment."

doctor gets up to leave.

"what exactly does that mean?"

"we don't book the surgical consults, we call and arrange it on your behalf."

"no. i mean what exactly is a hernia."

"oh. right. ok..." doctor goes on to explain hernia using a piece of tissue and a pen, tearing the pen through the tissue.

what is so troubling with his five second appointment is that he ushered me out without any kind of advice on what it was safe/unsafe for me to do, how to tell if it is getting worse, and what to do if that happens.

since i didn't know what a hernia was (i thought it was something you did to your back), i thought i had just strained a muscle or something. after a few months i figured there was a more serious problem.

between my record-breaking doctor's visit (in 'quickest and most irresponsible category') and the surgical consult there is a three and half month wait. i wonder if i'll go under the knife before december? bets?