"i only knew the sting of being called a motherfucker after my mother died." the phrase constructed itself in his unconscious mind and spilled out, as though accidentally, while he ate dinner. it was one of those mysterious phrases that appears whole, born onto the tip of his tongue and repressed by closed lips.

his friend's mother had recently died and he was thinking of impermanence. another friend had lost her way with reality, and a third friend was held by the ropes of loneliness.

selves defined by others, forged in the sadness of being and being alone, caught in the struggle of existing as an individual that desires companionship. they tried, unsuccessfully, to avoid meaning, and its inverse, and were injured by the force of its intrusion.

[10/20/03]